Relationships

Dont' Become A Played Out Song

If you keep asking the same question, it's not because you don't know the answer. It's because you don't care that you already know the answer. 

You're seeking out answers and explanations. You call the best friend, your mom, or your mentor. You bring it up again to your therapist only to hear the same answer, the same wisdom you've heard over and over again. Yet, you haven't accepted the answer as final. You spend more time trying to disprove the truth than you do trying to figure out how to change direction now that you have found it. You'll keep this up until you become too tired or worse, everyone you keep going to for answers stops responding. 

Have you ever listened to the same song so many times that it now annoys you when you hear it? It's because it was a fun song that fit a moment that passed long ago. That's what you are becoming. A source of questions that were answered long ago in multiple ways and they won't be put to rest because you are afraid to move on. 

Accept. What. You. Know. 

Puppy Love

He ran and hid under the bed like a monster walked into the room. A memory of my father crept into the doorway where I stood looking down at the hardwood floors. My voice, heavy with anger. My heart, filled with love and disappointment all at once.There were fragments of cotton and plastic scattered around the legs of my bed. A pool of what I hoped was water sat still near the wooden chair where I place a few books for nighttime reading. The day had been long.

Thirteen hours had gone by since coffee kissed my lips and I wondered, why on earth should I have to come home to his mess. I could smell shit breathing in a dark corner somewhere. An old pair of socks, attacked by immaturity, were left helpless and out of place. The laundry basket I re-organized  long before sunrise had tugged around the room. How did the little rebel find a pair of underwear exposed at the bottom of the bin just enough for him to chew on? I could not have imagined that a ball of white, brown and grey fur could make me so damn angry when just weeks before he was content with being perfectly still, his two pound body curled up at the intersection of my neck and shoulder, his breath still sweet and innocent.

Having another heart beating in my home had been a thought, for four years prior and now I finally had him. I had been searching for the time and the capacity until I realized it would never come. There was my career, my friends, travel. I had no time to care for anything other than myself until I saw those eyes, brown buttons, brown little liars that whispered, I will cause no harm. Who was I to think that he'd just sit there, still and quiet until I returned home?

Who was I to think that he owed me something because I swiped my debit card and rescued him from wires, shreds of old paper and siblings that ate their own feces while he slid into the back corner of a tight space and looked at everything and everyone with suspicion until I held him close and said his name, a name I chose long before I chose him?

There I was, tired, too tired and then suddenly reignited by anger, so palpable, though I chose not to show it. I chose not to say anything or blame him for being a puppy.

I chose to take off my tie. I chose to roll my sleeves up. I chose to step over the pool of whatever and to get on my knees. I chose to lift the bed skirt up and there I found those brown buttons, brown liars that whispered, I know I made a mess again. Love me anyway. 

And I do... My God... I do.

Today's Word: 6.09.14...Even When You Can't See The Path, Begin Walking!

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."-Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

When I think about some of the most incredible moments in my life, I must say that I do not know where I would be without faith.

Whether it has been packing my things and moving to New York when I felt my spiritual and creative development being stifled in my previous environment or taking on a role as a leader in a previously failing school, being able to say yes even when fear was yelling "hell no," has not only opened my mind to the infinite possibilities in this life, but it has allowed me to discover the courage that exists within me.

Some of the greatest moments in your life will come simply because you will have the courage to begin walking without knowing where the path may lead.

Thursday 6.05.14... How To Learn From Everyone

“If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.” ― Pema Chödrön

Each day we are given is another opportunity to get it right, a chance to learn something about the ways of this world and who we are in it. We don't learn by closing our minds and our heart but by pushing ourselves to always be open to the infinite possibilities of life, however they may come.

If we seek to deepen our understanding, we must be willing to learn something from every source, no matter how small and simple the lesson may seem. It is not enough to sit at the feet of those we admire and trust. We have to be open to engaging with the stranger, the taxi driver, the small child who is likely more creative than we are because their perception has not yet been tainted and yes, even the ones who annoy us.

I have discovered that when I am annoyed by someone or something, it is not an opportunity for me to run, but a moment for me to pause and simply ask, "what are you here to show me about myself?"

Wednesday, 6/4/14...Deepen Your Relationships By Being Honest

“Lying is, almost by definition, a refusal to cooperate with others. It condenses a lack of trust and trustworthiness into a single act. It is both a failure of understanding and an unwillingness to be understood. To lie is to recoil from relationship.”-Sam Harris

We're all guilty of it. No matter who you are, even when it has been simple and innocent, you have lied. We lie for many reasons, some of which are scientific. Researchers recently discovered that we are less likely to demonstrate integrity as the day progresses because our self-control diminishes over time. Whatever the reason (guilt, shame, or fear), when we lie we miss an opportunity to deepen our relationships with ourselves and others.

For myself, I know that there have been times when I have lied because I was afraid of how my truth might impact someone else. Though I now understand that in many ways, I lied because I was afraid of how others might see me. At this stage in my life, I am striving to be myself in every relationship and that requires me to lean into the discomfort of my truth as opposed to running away from it.

If we want more authentic relationships, we have to be willing to tell the truth not "even when", but especially when it is difficult.

Tuesday, 6/3/14... "Lose The Meaningless to Gain The Meaningful"

"Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option."-Maya Angelou 

As you continue on your journey of personal development where you begin to live a life aligned with your calling and your unique purpose, you may discover that there are some people who no longer belong in your space. Of course, watching our circles shrink can feel daunting and it has the potential to make us feel lonely but we must protect our energy and time if we want to enrich our lives by strengthening our relationships with people who pour into us the way we pour into them.

Do not be afraid to "lose" meaningless connections in order to create more meaningful experiences in this life.